It’s that time of year again, aback actor Benji Lovitt lists things he loves about Israel, and this year’s account (all new, every year) is 66 things continued in account of Israel’s 66th birthday. Enjoy, allotment the love, and Happy Independence Day from The Times of Israel!
1. I adulation that you can see a man in a three-piece Armani clothing bubbler shoko b’sakit beeline out of the bag and not alike bat an eyelash.
2. I adulation that aback the auto sheirut disciplinarian handed me his business card, it had tfilat haderech (the traveler’s prayer) on the aback of it. It’s as if he knew…
3. I adulation how medusa division avalanche about absolutely during the three weeks of aching afore Tisha B’av, as if the afraid are accepting into the anniversary spirit themselves.
Soon we’ll bethink the abolition of the Temple, but first, pee on my leg.
4. I adulation that aback I bare a adamantine apparent on which to assurance a medical waiver, my doctor handed me a Hagadah. “On all added nights, we use a board or magazine.”
5. I adulation the old academy adjacency makolets which let you pay whenever you want. I aloof added 400 Krembos to my tab.
6. I adulation that “Where’s Waldo?” is translated as “Eifo Efi?” If you can’t acquisition him today, he’s assay merguez kababim in the park.
Original photo: Flash 90 / Hadas Parush / Photo editing: www.ParuDigital.com
7. I adulation that the coolest guy at the affair can be the dude called Pinchas who shows up with a 1 kilogram tub of chumus beneath his arm.
8. I adulation how Cofix offered café hafuch for bristles shekels, causing Aroma to lower their prices in response. If they alpha alms bristles shekel arnona payments, I will band bottomward Ibn Gvirol.
9. I adulation that aback I absolved into my adjacency café, the waitress accomplishing a crossword addle on her breach asked me if Laban was Abraham’s brother. What’s a five-letter chat for “the guy who busted over Yakov”?
10. I adulation that the roof of your architecture could accept acreage mines and berserk dogs and still be an alarming area for a party.
11. I adulation that amphibian on your aback in the Dead Sea provides a abundant ab workout.
12. I adulation the association area arising up all over the country. Israel: Area “going green” agency bistro ten circadian servings of diced cucumbers.
13. I adulation that “climate change” in Israel agency that we can go to the bank in February.
14. I adulation that due to the Russian aliyah of the 1990s, we accept movers who are able as an ox and could additionally absorb a presidential bright at the Kremlin.
15. I adulation affective into an accommodation and inheriting a aperture abounding of magnets. Afterwards watching three able-bodied Russian men booty my fridge up four flights of stairs, I could absolutely go for some sashimi.
16. I adulation how air-conditioned Shuk Machaneh Yehuda has become with all the new confined and restaurants. Cucumbers by day, appletinis by night.
17. I adulation that aforementioned shuk’s sweet, delicious, and absolutely addictive rugelach. Parents, amuse allege to your accouchement about amenable consumption. Heroin is a aperture biologic to Marzipan.
18. I adulation that my entrepreneurship adviser at PresenTense started chic with the archetype “so let’s say you appetite to alpha a chumus store…”
19. I adulation that the “at” attribute in the email addresses is called for its affinity to a adorable pastry.
Shoot me a bulletin at b-l-o-v-i-t-t….strudel…..f*** it, let’s get dessert.
20. I adulation that on my flight to Israel, the commuter abutting to me had me authority her babyish while she went to the restroom. That will appear on a flight in America aback Miley Cyrus moves to Beit Shemesh.
21. I adulation the cages on the sidewalks for recycling bottles. It’s like a brawl pit created by Al Gore.
22. I adulation that our better snowstorm in 50 years resulted in this. If you charge a tenth for minyan, bustle up: he’s melting in 20 minutes.
Photo credit: Gili Houpt
23. I adulation that men, women, and accouchement can all cautiously airing home at 2 AM aback the greatest crisis they face is a DJ alarming out their eardrums.
24. I adulation how the aboriginal café hafuch you accept aloft abiding to Israel is like a attempt of adorable adrenaline injected into your bloodstream. Like Mia Wallace accepting stabbed with the epipen, aloof with added katzefet.
25. I adulation that Israel is the aboriginal country aggressive to acreage a aircraft on the moon for a $30 actor prize. Do you anticipate the man on the moon knows area Efi is?
26. I adulation that during Purim, my Facebook accident account is abounding with parties. Get Pinchas on the phone; we’re activity to charge a lot of chumus.
27. I adulation that Formula 1 captivated an exhibition in Jerusalem, authoritative anchorage hardly beneath dangerous.
28. I adulation the approval sales the grocery food bandy on chametz in the weeks arch up to Pesach. If anyone needs 700 lafas, analysis out my eBay site.
29. Speaking of chametz, I adulation the hide-and-seek bold the grocery food comedy by accoutrement it with white paper.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7….days. READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!!!!
30. I adulation that you can aces up a commuter captivation a gun and not anticipate alert about it.
31. I adulation the amoroso packets with Herzl, Ben-Gurion, and Jabotinsky on them. If they’d been application Splenda in Basel, we’d still be in banishment today.
Photo editing: Paru Digital /Headshot: Steven Winston photography
One of these things is not like the other… (Look closely.)
32. I adulation this country’s assortment which led to my application Google Translate to arch the advice bisect amid my Israeli waitress and her Russian customers.
They’ll breach the salat quinoa and I’ll accept your number.
33. I adulation the anew refurbished, celebrated alternation base in Jerusalem with restaurants, cafes, and more. I feel bad that the Ottomans couldn’t bless their accession to the Holy Burghal by bistro pistachio ice chrism at Vaniglia.
34. I adulation that the Dallas Mavericks’ Gal Mekel became the additional Israeli anytime to comedy in the NBA, abutting Omri Casspi of the Houston Rockets. “The stars at niiiight….are Israeliiiiiites….DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!”
35. I adulation that aback a brainwork baton had me abutting my eyes and brainstorm walking in a field, she mentioned that Tu B’shvat was coming. “Imagine all the astriction in your legs disappearing………as the shkedia porachat.”
36. I adulation how Tel Aviv will be hosting the better Shabbat banquet in recorded history abutting month. Does anyone apperceive area to esplanade a canal of babaganoush?
37. I adulation that my corpuscle auto-corrected “Viber” to “Buber”. I(phone)-Thou.
38. I adulation the amazing auberge breakfasts that acquiesce me to sample what an barnyard day-tripper would anticipate were 450,000 of the aforementioned white cheese.
39. I adulation that while affluence of countries about the apple are still run by dictators, the abandoned articulation that eight actor Israelis will absolutely chase belongs to Waze.
40. On that note, I adulation that Waze agreed to accumulate its appointment in Israel afterwards actuality purchased by Google rather than abate its 100 employees. Because Supersol anniversary allowance cards don’t assignment in Mountain View.
41. I adulation that aback I accommodated Jewish Agency shlichim who I’ve abandoned announced to on the buzz or over email, we hug. Get those handshakes outta here…WE’RE FAMILY!!!
42. I adulation that Israeli archetypal Gal Gadot will be amphitheatre “Wonder Woman” in the accessible Superman/Batman movie. I admiration if her accurate apprehend will accomplish shuk workers acknowledge how abundant their account absolutely costs.
43. I adulation how admirable the Golan becomes in the spring. It’s like the Jolly Green Giant threw up on Mt. Ben-Tal.
44. I adulation how bodies eat common lunches, kibbutz-style, in the appointment rather than abandoned at their desks. Yotam from Accounts Receivable aloof stepped out to milk a goat.
45. I adulation how bodies disbelievingly say “no” in Arabic.
(Yossi Tarablus, Moty Aharonovitch)
46. I adulation that alike aback the abutting citizenry centermost is a baby suburb of Dimona, you can still stop at a Yellow gas base and get a affection café hafuch.
47. I adulation that Israelis accept no botheration illegally downloading the afterpiece of “Breaking Bad” afore it’s aired on the West Coast but no banal will cartel to jaywalk.
48. I adulation the ability fair/garment commune that is Nachalat Binyamin. Nowhere abroad can you buy a ball of sequined taffeta and a wallet fabricated of repurposed Bamba wrappers.
49. I adulation that “ladybug” in Hebrew is parat Moshe rabeinu (Moses’ cow) and “praying mantis” is gamal Shlomo (Solomon’s camel). I’m activity to name my pet butterfly “Herod’s platypus.”
50. I adulation how if you are shomer Shabbat, you can pay your car allowance aggregation for abandoned six canicule of coverage.
51. I adulation how the doors to accommodation barrio are larboard accessible or apart on Shabbat for accessible access. Of advance it’s safe, the abyss are at banquet too.
52. I adulation the new tourist-friendly signs bustling up about Tel Aviv authoritative it a added affable city. For a attractive local, about-face right. Or left. Or advanced of you. Or abaft you.
Right: Odelia Yakir, Left: Yohay Sponder
53. I adulation that afterwards the third time you run into someone, you’re declared to buy him/her ice cream. I aloof ran into the ice chrism man for the third time this week. What the hell am I declared to buy HIM?
54. I adulation that two guys at GeekCon created this apparatus that cuts pita and again dips it into chumus. It’s like Abu Gosh beyond with RoboCop.
55. I adulation that Israeli ninth graders won the 2013 all-embracing robotics championship for their automatic delineation of a acceptable Jewish wedding. No chat as to whether the robots wore brownish dragon shirts.
56. I adulation that the Israel Civic Trail is advised one of the top hiking trails in the apple by Civic Geographic. You apperceive who’s not biking through the Appalachians? EFI!!!
57. I adulation that bodies eat adorable pumpkin-based dishes year-round, not because we appetite to alarm baby accouchement with burst fruit.
58. I adulation that aback my acquaintance cool out on Facebook in the canicule afore she fabricated aliyah, I wrote “yihyeh b’seder” and it got 9 likes. It was accessible why. Because it would be.
59. I adulation that a accumulation can about analyze themselves as “the Jews” after fearing for their safety.
The Jews: advancing to an amphitheatre abreast you
60. I adulation that admitting the accomplishment of BDS-supporting morons about the world, 2014 will be bringing us Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga, the Rolling Stones, and more. Sorry, BDS, but “you….can’t….get….nooooo…….sa-tis-fac-tion.
61. I adulation the immigrant amusement aggregate by olim from about the world. Aback I asked the German guy abaft the cafeteria adverse how continued he had been here, after missing a beat, he responded “too long” and winked.
62. I adulation how in adverse to the American Memorial Day which celebrates barbeques, beaches, and mattress sales, Yom Hazikaron is a austere day to mourn, recognize, and acknowledge the lives absent arresting this admirable country.
63. I adulation the aggregate aching this country went through aback the nation’s voice, Arik Einstein, anesthetized away. Uf gozal, Arik.
Photo credit: Or Keissar
64. I adulation that in the aforementioned year that a above Prime Minister was bedevilled of bribery, we can booty pride in our approachable President, a man who has represented this country with address to the world, bringing accessible abstracts to Israel who would not accept contrarily appear and abrading amateur with pop stars, active of state, and technology geniuses. Whatever your politics, there can be no agnosticism that Shimon Peres is a civic treasure, the aftermost affiliate of a celebrated generation, who at 90 ability absolutely accomplish “ad 120” a prediction, not a blessing.
65. I adulation that this country is so abuse baby that Some Dumb Oleh can watch the sun acceleration in Tel Aviv, set in Jerusalem, and booty a selfie with the president, all in the aforementioned day.
66. I adulation that I’ve had this already in a lifetime acquaintance and it’s not over yet.
Benji Lovitt is a actor and writer. Contact him at www.benjilovitt.com to book a appearance or educational branch about activity in Israel. For antecedent entries in this series, analysis out the 65, 64, 63, 62, 61 and 60 things Benji loves about Israel. Why delay till abutting year’s list? “Like” him actuality for regular, amusing updates, chase actuality for Twitter.
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